Something Erudite

The Spam:
Sender: me
Subject: Locke is a LIE!
Body: (none)

Beyond the Spam:
The Narrator in Fight Club had Tyler Durden who, during the moments when Tyler took control, acted as an anarcho-primitivist with grand plans to return civilization into a neo-paleolithic paradise through Project Mayhem which involved blowing up buildings, kidnapping high power executives and eating lots of cheesecake. He knew it'd go straight to his thighs but it just made him feel so alive he couldn't stop! Decadence was Tyler Durden's middle name. Really, go read the book again. Chapter 12, page 147: Tyler Decadence Durden.

My alter ego, who I will call Burt Morality Lancaster, on the other hand, sits around pondering long dead empiricists and has grand plans of boring me to death. 

Locke is a lie. Really?! Out of all the anarchy you could be raising you decide to toss that gem my way? How can Locke be a lie anyway? He had an opinion! Yes, the social contract was a very compelling idea but I don't remember signing shit when I entered society. Unless that tiny, baby foot shaped ink-blot on my birth certificate counts as a signature on a binding contractual agreement and it was placed on a document that said "I hereby defer my human rights to the greater authority during instances in which it would best behoove society as a whole." And if it did say that I could probably only understand half of those words at the time and I demand a lawyer. Oh, and don't even bother telling me that that's more of a Utilitarian statement because I don't care.

It could be worse, though, Burt could have said "The Cake is a LIE!" and made Portal fanboys (and fangirls) everywhere squeal with the kind of high pitched screams you'd expect to hear from two banshees who used to be in the cheer squad together way back when they were still alive and in highschool being reunited for the first time in three hundred years. Yeah, long description for an ear shattering, maddening scream but I went for it. Savor it.

Anyway, would it be wrong of me to say I felt a bit disappointed that my Burt wasn't out there fucking things up a bit? Live a little, Burt! If Locke truly is a lie then there is no social contract, there are no rules by which you are bound! So blow some shit up! Grab that big electromagnet you've got sitting in your basement (you DO have an electromagnet, right? No alter ego of mine should be without one) and start erasing some episodes of Degrassi! Also tear up those Jonas Brothers tickets I bought last week. I can't bring myself to do it and I just know if I still have them by time the show rolls around I'll be in the front row in my halter top with a ring on each finger and each ring would be filled with promises. The promises I made to myself to get groped by the Jonas Brothers.

But no, you'd rather sit around like some less attractive Rodin sculpture wondering just how come the governed give their governments the right to govern. Fun sentence, right? Read it a few times and see if you don't giggle at least a little.

I want you to do something for me, Burt. And for yourself. Which is also me. So do something for me twice. The next time you decide to text some midnight philosophical epiphany you have to me please take a page out of Fight Club and be participating in a little bit of anarchy while you're doing it. Like tearing the tags off of my pillows - they keep tickling my face when I try to sleep.